The only one who could possibly hurt me is you.

Possibly, it may mean everything. The beginning, and the end.

It was a casual joke; one that perhaps was to make light of the recent things I've done to compare to what happened last Christmas. Yet, just imagining it each time was like plunging a knife through my chest, leaving me breathless at the mere thought of it.

In actuality, if something like that happened, it would have been different. It would have been cold between us and maybe a tad awkward, but at least it would not have came to what you joked about. Would I have preferred that, or the situation you had jokingly created? Or perhaps, it's just my fear that when the inevitable comes, would I have the strength to face it? Heh. Selfish to the very end, I guess.

What kept me going is the here and now; that I relish the happiness that every waking moment afforded me, and sigh smilingly at the sadness that it entails. I don't sleep much now, because my dreams no longer seem that far off from the present.

The mundane jabs thrown around by the weak and ignorant cannot even chip at my armor; their transparent political maneuvering an insult to every fiber of my body. Even if they murder me, they cannot possibly dream of taking my truth, my desire, my wishes... away from me.

In the end, perhaps the only person who could hurt me is you. And eventually, you might...will take them away. Intentionally or unintentionally. A year or ten. By pen or sword. Life or death.

Still, I cherish the present, and the future will come when it does.

Your Soul's Urge is Adventure

You may be feeling a little bored and restless lately. But let's be honest... you're always feeling this way. You have a true excitement and energy that other's can't match. You are a veritable wild child. You love anything new or novel, and you love to be surprised. You'll say yes to anything that sounds like fun. You love to travel and meet new people. You are open to anything, and you never judge. You're all about good times!

What's Your Soul's Urge?
Blogthings: We're Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

You Have an Idealistic Heart

Your heart craves true love. You may wait a long time for it, but you're willing to wait. You have an idea of what love should be like, and you're not about to settle. You want your heart to be genuinely happy. It's likely that your heart has been broken quite a bit. Your heart is easily disappointed. It takes a long time for your heart to heal. You never forget the wounds that have been inflicted on it.

The Hand Drawn Heart Test
Blogthings: Waste Time at Work!

You Are a Hawk

You have a fighting spirit, and you don't back down from any challenge. You aren't scared of getting in the mix. You aren't necessarily violent, but you understand why violence sometimes is necessary. It's a cruel world out there. You are a natural debater. People may find you belligerent, but you just like to argue. It's not personal. You rather have conflict than pretend to go along to get along. You stand up for what you believe in.

Are You a Hawk or a Dove?
Blogthings: Free Quizzes for Everyone

You Are the Shoe

You are a hard worker and quite stubborn. You are willing to put in long hours to achieve your goal. You never give up, even when things get difficult. You are very tough. You are adventurous and free spirited. You are confident that you can do almost anything, and you are never the afraid. You're the type of person who wants to conquer the whole world. And you know it begins one step at a time.

What Monopoly Piece Are You?
Blogthings: Cheaper Than a Therapist

You Are Making the Bed

You are neat, chic, and stylish. You have a real eye for design and beauty. You love chores like rearranging furniture, tidying up, and making the bed. You feel better it when things look better. You're a natural interior designer, and you're always redecorating some part of your house. You like everything to look smart and modern. When you're in creative mode, even the most boring of chores seem exciting to you. You're just a natural artist.

What Household Chore Are You?
Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

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For the past I had left behind, the present I am living, and the future for us.

As the present moves ever closer to March 2010, I find myself dreading ORD more than ever.

Yes, I used the word 'dreading'. And I know it means 'reluctant anticipation'.

These 2 years have turned out to be nothing I had anticipated. Of course, I had accounted for numerous possibilities; being made to do monotonous tasks on repeat every single day (oh wait, a lot of people are okay with that), lots of chest thumping and fist pumping (check; seen a lot of that as well), having to behave like a total jackass to conform (no surprises there), instant death for incompetence (if my bosses were anything like Darth Vader, turnover rate would be so high women would have to be conscripted as well)...yet, it's turned to be, and gonna be, nothing like any of those.

The way I see it; no matter how one thinks that NS will happen in isolation in their lives (i.e. I stopped living the day I enlisted and will start again the day I ORD), every moment we lived in the present will affect the way we see things in the future. A military camp is not really a suspension of time and space, its very existence a gap in the fabric of Singapore society. It is not where civilization ends; in fact it is very much a part of, almost ingrained into, the Singaporean psyche. Despite the cliché, for many a Singaporean male, these 2 years are gonna affect how he views the world in the future.

I'm not afraid to pull the trigger. Because I had been dead until the moment I met you. Every single 'living' moment I spent in vain, searching for someone who understands me, until you came along and extended your hand, pulling me out of the coffin and putting my eyes back in. And then, in the soft voice I could only imagine till then, you whispered in my ear, "You are not alone."

I am no longer afraid. Because you're here with me.

September Says That You Are Open-hearted

You are a very idealistic person. You have so much compassion for the world that it can be a bit overwhelming at times. There are so many things that you want to do to make a difference. It bothers you that you can't do them all at once. You are quite creative. You are especially good at thinking up innovative solutions to problems. You may have high ideals, but you also have the tools to achieve them. You are practical when you need to be.

What Does Your Favorite Month Say About You?
Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

You Are Physics

You are a highly intellectual and intelligent person. There's not a subject that doesn't interest you. You are very drawn to theories, and you are capable of understanding incredibly complex ideas. You are curious about everything around you - from the smallest cell to the universe as a whole. You believe that there are many connections in the world that we can't see. The way everything fits together fascinates you.

What Field of Science Are You?
Blogthings: Waste Time at Work!

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I was tryin' to fly, but I couldn't find wings, till you came along and changed everything

This year's Christmas is getting 'crazh-ier, crazh-ier', as Taylor Swift would sing (that's where the title comes from as well). It's not about the spending; the money's irrelevant. Neither is it about the material gifts; I almost crooned to my 'Angel' 'All I Want for Christmas is'...well, y'know.

Shopping malls may have, ironically, made 'All I Want for Christmas is You' a cliché, but it still means a lot to me. The hole in my life cannot be filled by PS3 games, laptops or bags; while it would have been easier to pin the blame on having a secular viewpoint of holidays, it is also irresponsible.

I crave simpler pleasures that are, however, harder to find. Maybe 'cos it cannot be bought with money, nor can I redeem it in a mall promotion. Or maybe simply 'cos it's immaterial. Yet, this year, for the first time in a long while, I'm closer to having...no, sharing it than I ever had.

You Have an Inspired First Name

You are a highly original and naturally creative person. You are always thinking outside the box. You are have adventurous spirit, and you are extremely energetic. If you love something, it's easy for you to stay motivated. You have your own unique take on the world. Your views are both independent and progressive. You aren't shy about living a bold and interesting life. You are a bit stubborn and headstrong when it comes to what you believe in.

What Kind of First Name Do You Have?

Blogthings: We Have a Quiz for Almost Everything

Your Fashion City is Paris

You always look amazing, but you never look like you put too much effort in to it. And you probably didn't! You believe that fashion is all about classic looks, and you shun all silly trends. You appreciate finer quality items, but you would never have anything with a huge label on it. That's just tacky. You never want your look to seem like it was bought in a store. You always have something in your closet to make your outfit uniquely you.

What's Your Fashion City?

Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

You Are Italian

Ah, you are a true romantic. You enjoy all of the sensual pleasures in love - delicious food, soul stirring music, a beautiful sunset... And you always seem to be able to find the words to describe each experience perfectly. You are a charming and seductive person. You just have that certain something that draws people to you. You are passionate about words. Words can easily inspire, delight, or anger you. It's sometimes all about how something was said.

What Language Are You?

Blogthings: Cheaper Than a Therapist

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I will never let go that which I treasure

I was listening to 'Alejandro' while looking out at the sea yesterday when a sense of déjà vu seized me not unlike a while back. The fact that 'Alejandro' was just released a couple of weeks alongside the rest of Lady Gaga's newest album and hence cannot reasonably be a trigger for déjà vu seems irrelevant.

The lake, with its calm surface glistening with sunlight, was a mirror; a window to how I felt then. The breeze did little to ruffle your hair; it only gave you a more roughed up look. Below the balcony beneath us, the children...our kids played, their youthful voices raising in giggles.

As I held your hand in mine, feeling so loving and loved at the same time, I took in a deep breath to savor the moment.

"This cannot go on," you said, your voice having only a flicker of fear that could have been easily missed. "Eventually, they will catch us. Inevitably, they will separate us. Irrevocably, we will be apart."

"I know," I sighed, my grip on your hand tightening as I did. "But it is going on, alright, right now. And that's all that matters."

As I looked at you, my eyes taking in the innocuous expression forming on the face I so loved, I could not help myself but smile.

Then, everything crumbled. The sounds of our children playing ceased. Waves broke the surface of the lake, thundering towards us threateningly. Your face started to melt away into nothingness, your lips mouthing wordlessly, continuously in an eternal mask of confusion and pain.

Yet, through it all, I refused to let go. They tried to take me away from you, but I will never let go.

Even if, eventually, inevitably, irrevocably, we are separated, I will never let go of you.

You Are Zany and Adventurous

You enjoy the holidays but not more so than any other days. You always have something interesting going on, no matter what time of year it is. You are not very likely to go traditional for any holiday. You're much more into doing things your own way. You're the type to throw the turkey in the deep fryer... and heck, the mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie too! It may not be the kind of thanksgiving your grandma had, but at least it will be memorable!

What Does Your Favorite Thanksgiving Food Say About You?
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Your Thanksgiving Personality is Foodie

You love Thanksgiving, as long as it's done right. And that means no funky green jello salads. Thanksgiving is all about the food for you, and you like it to be top notch. There's a good chance you do all the cooking... that is unless you dine out. Your ideal Thanksgiving would include your favorite dishes, as well as a few funky new experimental favorites. And it would also include friends and family who can appreciate good food as much as you do. No instant mashed potatoes lovers welcome!

What's Your Thanksgiving Personality?
Blogthings: Waste Time at Work!

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